Since I wrote my first post yesterday I have heard from a number of people who are "impressed" that I could be so public about my abuse. They have said that they "could never be so brave". This just shows how well ingrained the idea of shame is in our minds. It also shows how our culture encourages silence with the "what will people think" idea. I want to address these thoughts in today's post.
I want to thank those people who contacted me. I do not feel brave, but perhaps I am and don't realize it. I just want people to see me for who I am and to understand me. Perhaps this is my way of testing people, by saying, "Here I am. Do you accept me?"
Unfortunately, too often I am met with comments about how I shouldn't tell people about my past. I don't understand why people think I should hide in dark corners and never reveal what has happened to me. Why should I be punished for being a victim of child abuse? Abuse has been a part of my life experience. It helped create who I am, a loving, caring and passionate woman. I have the right to be as open about my life as the person who had a wonderful childhood. We both have learned many things from our experiences, many valuable lessons.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Welcome
Welcome to Banishing the Shame. As an adult survivor of physical, sexual and emotional abuse I wanted a place to share my journey with others, survivors or not. Recovering from abuse is a life time "project". Many times I need to be reminded of important truths over and over again. By writing things down and sharing them with others, I also remind myself.
From the beginning I want to address a common issue. I am not ashamed to say I am a survivor. Yes, I struggle with feeling shame about the things that were done to me. That is part of the poison abusers leave us with, a feeling of being ruined. But the truth is:
And, neither did any other survivor. The only person who should feel shame is the abuser.
Let's put this in perspective. If you took your son to the park and an older child beat him up, who would you blame? Should your son feel shame because he was beaten up? No, of course not. You would love and comfort him, and help him to see that it was the older child who has a problem. You wouldn't try to silence your son. You would discuss it as often as necessary to help him through it.
This is exactly what child abuse victims and survivors need. If you are a current victim please call someone NOW and get help! If you are a survivor, please repeat the words above everyday. You have value! You are important! And, you did NOT deserve to be abused!
From the beginning I want to address a common issue. I am not ashamed to say I am a survivor. Yes, I struggle with feeling shame about the things that were done to me. That is part of the poison abusers leave us with, a feeling of being ruined. But the truth is:
I DID NOTHING WRONG!
I DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED!
I DID NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED!
And, neither did any other survivor. The only person who should feel shame is the abuser.
Let's put this in perspective. If you took your son to the park and an older child beat him up, who would you blame? Should your son feel shame because he was beaten up? No, of course not. You would love and comfort him, and help him to see that it was the older child who has a problem. You wouldn't try to silence your son. You would discuss it as often as necessary to help him through it.
This is exactly what child abuse victims and survivors need. If you are a current victim please call someone NOW and get help! If you are a survivor, please repeat the words above everyday. You have value! You are important! And, you did NOT deserve to be abused!
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